Filming Day
Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 12:50pm | Edit Note | Delete
Sometimes i wonder what my expression would be if i had fallen asleep for 2 years and awoke to my present life,
I wonder what i would have thought to myself if i would have woken up on Monday morning with someone telling me that i had to be downtown Vancouver in hair and make up for a filming shoot, would i have thought " wow i finally made it to stardom" lol. I don't think i would have thought that our family had been asked to do a promotional video to recant the horrors of cancer with our eldest daughter, nevertheless, that is where we found ourselves this past Monday. Although we were treated like royalty and the kids gotta kick out of their rockstar status for the day there were no illusions of it being a fun day or an extra spring break day off, this would have been harder than any math or english class their cohorts would have partaken in that day.That being said Stefanny still wanted to go to her first class , Darcy picked her up shortly before we had to leave and away we were, each adorning our "Ashley" necklaces , rehearsing a few of the questions we might be asked ...side note ...there is no preparing for such a task, but we were there to help raise funds for a very meaningful cause, one so close to our hearts...Camp Goodtimes and the Canadian Cancer Society, a video to be shown at gala events and to donors.
Now we have been thrown into centre stage or a fishbowl , whatever you wanna call it , several times throughout this journey , interviews , radio shows , speeches , fundraisers etc and we are getting better at it but for a reformed "closed book" kinda person it is still somewhat nerve racking, but by the grace of God, we did it! The filming crew was respectful and thoughtful and afforded us every possible luxury while we waited each of our turns in the green room ( which is actually a red room but whatever)
There is something very reverant about watching your children on camera holding back tears and speaking from their heart about how "losing a sister " has affected them how watching her suffer and having a childhood and friends robbed right out from her was devestating for them , they were honest and real even telling the director about how they miss fighting with her , their fears and of course how Camp Goodtimes brought them to a place they so eloquently described as "home". Darcy and i were interviewed separarately and mine seemed to take forever , not sure if thats because they were doing all the set-up ..lighting and sound checks on me being ,the first to go, or because i fell off my chair , not once , but TWICE not because it was emotional and nooooo not because i had" tea time" before, it was simply because i am a clutz , im sure the sound guy thought i was a complete flake , why do those things always happen in front of the cute ones ...geez, anyways i was probably old enough to be his big sister (ok his mom... thought id never say that,,yikes!!!)I could tell the filming crew was nervous too , asking such personal questions so i m hoping my clutziness eased the tension for everyone . i'm sure their intention was to get brief accounts of the specifics of our journey but her first question to me was "can you describe your journey for us??" ...."WHAT???? what! do you want a mini series? ...cut!!!! ...could we be a little more specific, there is no beginning and no end to that answer "
Anyways by the time it was all said and done and as Dacry and i sat in the wings watching the kids each have their turn, i thought to myself " oh man i would so be one of those stage mothers , those ones i cant stand feeding their kids the actions and lines slightly offstage, oh well i guess somethings are instinctual and it was good for another laugh. By the end of the day the kids were having mini photo shoots done as a group still bickering and maintaing their version of sisterly love in every way , think they even caught a few shots of them bickering and shoving eachother off their stools. We had a family shot done and i felt a little strange , i think it waas our first formal family shot of 5, almost said "no" to it but knew Ashley was right in the centre of the picture, you just have to look a little harder to see it. There is nothing like watching your kids personalities really shine through on camera, so proud of them and Darcy and i too.
By the end of the day we had formed new relationships with these people and felt again like they maybe knew us more than people ( even family) we've known for 20 plus years , they thanked us through their own emotions and ...here;s' the kicker , they asked the girls if they'd be interested in any extra film work ..."are you kidding me, you just made their day, gotta be some perks in this whole thing for them don't ya think?" we were each given a gift and after tears and hugs the day was done,
I'm not sure how to describe the day, healing? draining? fun? emotional ? it was all that and more , but we did get to tell the world again about our amazing daughters fight and the bravery and strength of she and her sisters, so i hope this will pull at a few heart strings or should i say purse strings and keep research, and Camp Goodtimes rolling. Of course we did it for more than that and think we may continue , you never know who it will effect. Anyways we were exhausted by the end of the day , we took the kids out for dinner to celebrate and went home and slept for what felt like a month.
Yesterday was the 13 month anniversary of Ashleys passing and i just wanted to thank everyone for all their support at Ashleys memorial last month we got through the day with great friends , family and memories of Ashley who is with us in everything we do.
Peace,
Lori
The Journey of a butterfly...Ashleys life has become symbolic of a butterfly, peaceful beautiful and free to fly where the wind takes her. We have a white butterfly that flies around us in the garden in the springtime where the other girls play. Irish folklore tells us that a white butterfly is the rebirth of a deceased child's soul reborn into something even more beautiful than before...our butterfly
June 29 1992 - February 16 2009
Welcome to the Journey of a Butterfly
We invite you to follow along one family's journey through grief and loss, one brave young girl's journey through faith and inspiration, this is not a blog to convert anyone , nor is it a blog about fundraising , it is what i hope will reach another family on a similar journey, we are not experts , i could not give you a magic remedy for how one gets through disease and devestation but it is our story , sometimes gut wrenching other time heartwarming and all of the time, i guarantee, very real. We are not perfect, we struggle daily and i think that the more we connect to one another the more we understand what this journey through life is all about . Sometimes that path is bumpy and we fall down, sometimes we sit and stop a while,or take a step back and other times we pound our fists on the pavement like a lunatic , still other times we find ourselves picking eachother up dusting eachother off and walking alongside them even if only for short time. This blog is dedicated to Ashley , her sisters and every single angel that picked us up along this road.
This is an introduction to the beginning and middle part of our journey the specific blogs are more indepth , the end...well there will never be an end to this journey i've come to realize that , not on this earth, for now we just assimilate it into our life like a hole , a missing limb, a continous ache that you just learn to live with.
When Ashley was about 12 years old she asked if she could go to youth group at a local church , i didn't have any church upbringing but know i craved it throughout my life , this was a rare opportunity and i recognized that if i didn't embrace it now she may lose her interst in it very quickly and beocme a jaded, cynical, stubborn person like her mom. My husband grew up in a very religious (shove it down your throat) kinda religion( i wont mention any names)or maybe it was the way he was raised ? Anyways i encouraged her to go because the community we had moved to embraced this kinda thing so i thought why not? Naturally and shortly after she started attending she was soon encouraging us to go , she had made quite a leadership name for herself there , pionner leader , sunday school helper etc, i was comfortable for the first time in my life going to a church, maybe it was the first word that greeted you as you walked in..."belong" maybe it was because they embraced community and outreach service in our city , dont know, but soon found it very therapeutic, cheaper than a shrink, and our other 3 girls jumped on board pretty quickly, my husband well... a work in progress , he communes with God in a fishing boat he says , although makes many efforts to go even if just for good way to start the week, i was still cynical , felt i wasnt holy enough but went anyways.
Ashley was scheduled to sing a solo in the church choir Dec 16 2007 , i was scared for her, i was sure she got her singing skills from me which was nil at best. She sang beautifully and you couldnt tell she had been complaining of cramps , something i chalked up to girls stuff/growing pains for a couple weeks off and on, she was an active healthy girl. When the performnce was done we got our christmas tree and i took her to the clinic to have it checked out before Christmas , they sent us to our local hosptial for tests , i was worried it was appendix. Darcy, my husband left the hosptial to go pick up our other 3 girls from friends houses , i caught the doctor in the ahallways and asked if the ulstrasound pictures were back, i remember having eye contact with Ashley only feet away from me but far enough away for her not to hear the doctor to so impassionaltely say "its not appendix, it looks like cancer", i have to stop as i write this because it is still one of the 2 biggest shocks in my entire life, i think i ran down the hallways screaming with no sound coming from my throat and not knowing where i was running . I phoned Darcy and words didnt come out of my mouth. Before I knew it we were at out local Childrens Hospital(100km away) meeting oncologiosts , being give an "oncology team" which consisted of a primary nurse, a social worker, a main oncologist and a shrink....wait a minute ...what is an oncologist? yep, a cancer doctor, this was the real thing . we waited 4 days to find out what type we were dealing with ... it was curable 90 % even though she was stage 4 , how the hell can my kid have stage 4 cancer and only a few cramps , it was mind bending. We were thrown stright into a world so foriegn to us , everything stopped ..jobs ..PAC meetings ,carppoling and yes even some friends who"couldn't handle it" it was no longer our own beds , our own home, our own anything. Treatments and life became unbearable , the 90% cure rate was not looking good at any stage throughout our journey , it seemd to be always full of negative news to the point where i couldnt stand the face of her oncologist , it nearly made me want to vomit everytime i saw him...The words they briefed us on as we began this mind altering path was " one of you will grieve through this process and no matter the out come the other will grieve after " they couldn't have been more right.......Ashley insisted on going to church on Christmas eve, two nights before she was to start chemo at the end of the service our pastor came to pray with us , i didn't know many people in the church , but wow did they know Ashley, when we rose our heads from bowing in prayer the whole congregation was surrounding us , i knew at that moment who i was going to need to get me through this ...would he be willing to listen to me...
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