Convocation, Coccoons, Christianity and Craziness
Today at 10:15pm | Edit Note | Delete
Oh man , what a month. I don't understand why everything has to fall at eh end of the year , it seems like teachers, coaches, etc feel compelled to provide some sort of wing ding at the end of the year multiply that by 2 , 3 , 4 or more kids and it loses its pleasure in the mirco management of year end planning....here's a thought leaders..."you'd be doing us all a favour if you all got together and spread out these activities between February and April .sound good ? i'll have my people call yours...or better yet, hey don't feel obligated to do anything, i would like you more and really you'd end up with a better year-end gift than a dollar store mug".
Okay enough ranting i can't blame it all on teachers schools coaches etc life is crazy, i promised myself i would never let it get crazy again , that when i noticed things spinning outta control i would ask myself "how important is this ,really?" Back when we were hospitalling , we didn't have a choice that was not only crazy but insane.
I won't bore you with the mundane, just the highlights ...Christy and Stefanny are now working together for a family friend who imports retail fish ( goldfish, tetra's , frogs , those kind) not a diva job by any means, so not only do they bicker over clothes and make-up every morning they now roll themselves in the door at 6 pm arguing about whose fish is better , who packaged the most fish and who killed the least ...ah fish bliss, i'm sure they will laugh about it one day.
Ashleys scholarship was given out a few weeks ago , i couldn't believe how nervous we were didn't realize the enormity of it i guess until we got there, hard sitting alongside people on stage that are giving out a token of their fallen son, daughter , grandpa just wanting to scream out "remember this person they made a difference in the world" , they are here they are holding the hands of the person (family) stretching out their arms with a gift they are holding the hand of the person so deserving of receiving the gift.Ashley was there. We kept it together even when the grand march of grads entered the church sanctuary to scottish bagpipes and i forced myself not to look at where i assumed Ashley would have, should have, sat. As we were called upon stage a very lovely person whom i've come to know recently yelled out inside a very somber room" love you lori " what a comfort , what i nice thing to do what an act of empathy .. thank you leanne. Anyways our recipient to Ashleys award was Amy T. it was an obvious choice, someone i know Ashley would have chosen, funny cause i could see Ashley with her big smile saying "way to go Amy" Glad to see her other very good friends recieve shcolarships too (jacquline , trinda)Deepest congratulations to all the grads, enjoy , have fun , be safe. For us , as sad as it was sometimes watching kids fill the seats at convocation , ones she went to pre school with , ones she went to elementary school with ,ones she had sleepovers with , i told myself over and over again...she has reached even higher than this , she has graduated and triumphed beyond this, she has received a greater glory, a greater crown , she is ok. We left when we knew we had enough and i'm kinda sad we didn't stay , i later found out that valedictorian talked about Ashley , talked about her smile and her free spiritedness , her attitude , maybe it was good i didn't hear that there , I may have lost it. Thanks Corbin.
A big thank you to all our donors, runners, sponsors and supporters for your contribution to Childrun this year,our team grew by a few more this year including my sister and niece, we were proud to join forces with "Logan is our Angel " what an event , Logan has fought brain cancer for 5 years was not expected to be the miracle she has so eloquently developed into , i'm sure you've seen her big smile and angelic face plastered everywhere , she was the poster child this year and we were honoured to be part of the team , in keeping with our annual commitment to tell Ashleys story we still ran under "Ashleys journey " and this year we had t-shirts made up in her name displaying a butterfly of faith on the front. The evening before was a "team Logan" fundraiser , where again, our brave girl was honoured too., i think the goal was far surpassed, reaching 35,000.00, Lu Lu Lemon guy, Chip Wilson matched the donations , so over 70,000.00 in one unblievable night ..not bad, was nice to see and meet up again with other families/ parents running and supporting in the name of their child, some whom i have only met faceless on facebook , funny how you can spot them in a crowd of thousands. Childrun has been kind enough to donate extra large left over tshirts to Ashley comfort bags for sleepshirts for parents...nice huh?
Butterflies are coccooning as we speak , this year we decided to raise butterflies , for release on Ashleys upcoming 18th bday on the 29th , so far i don't think i've killed any , we'll see , notice no live plants in my house , theres a reason for that.
On a side note , i have recently started a blog in ashleys name, i have ported all the blogs since the beginning of this journey from facebook to the blog , i suppose i did this because i hope in one way or another it reaches someone desperate to find out that as hell as it is losing a child and sister that there is peace in knowing that we will see eachother again , that as ive said before this world is temporary, it is a PRACTICING place , a place to let your hearts be broken to the suffering of the world and to the people right next to you, to see what you do with it. Thank you for doing something with it.
Summer is on the horizon , can't wait , no schedules , no school notices, no packed lunches to make, just fun in the sun ( wherever thats been lately) although it already seems so booked , Darcy and Christy are off on a whitewater rafting trip soon with Christys church youth group , Darcy is driving the bus , excuse me while i kill myself laughing , someone ,not sure who , is in for a real treat...lololololol. Ahhh speaking of church , enjoyed the church sermon a couple weeks ago about not being fake , or putting on the appearance of just looking like "a Christian" that its imprortant not to just look the part , to really DO and FOLLOW and SERVE. i look over at Darcy who happened to be wearing a suit...k you probably no where im going with this.... our pastor comes up to us at the end and remarks how good he looked , i owned up , i admitted that he is only wearing a suit because i haven't done laundry in 2 weeks , cause i 've been too cranky with all the "year end" suff and working full time for the last 2 weeks to do laundry , and the reason our kids are looking so cheery is because we decided to stay for the brunch after church because i haven't gone grocery shopping either, so they are just happy to be fed , "eat up kids", I told you i wasn't made for f/t paid labour , I can't do it all and i don't aspire to "doing it all" No fake Christians here , maybe not always great ones either, but PRACTICING as best we can.Thanks for reading
Peace,
Lori
p.s. here is the blog info http://followingashleysjourney.blogspot.com/
p.p.s congratualtions to all my amazing children on all your year end successes, dance rugby academics, and your courage... you're awesome!
A special conGraduation to Baylee, Ashleys BFF , you're a great friend and i can't wait to see you in your dress.To Shakira , Ashleys cousin, you should be very proud of yourself, as well to Jordan Hopper Ashleys babyhood friend and "ashleys Journey " team member Good Job Jordan, we are very proud of you,Amanda S , Sara M and many many more good luck and prayers to you all.
The Journey of a butterfly...Ashleys life has become symbolic of a butterfly, peaceful beautiful and free to fly where the wind takes her. We have a white butterfly that flies around us in the garden in the springtime where the other girls play. Irish folklore tells us that a white butterfly is the rebirth of a deceased child's soul reborn into something even more beautiful than before...our butterfly
June 29 1992 - February 16 2009
Welcome to the Journey of a Butterfly
We invite you to follow along one family's journey through grief and loss, one brave young girl's journey through faith and inspiration, this is not a blog to convert anyone , nor is it a blog about fundraising , it is what i hope will reach another family on a similar journey, we are not experts , i could not give you a magic remedy for how one gets through disease and devestation but it is our story , sometimes gut wrenching other time heartwarming and all of the time, i guarantee, very real. We are not perfect, we struggle daily and i think that the more we connect to one another the more we understand what this journey through life is all about . Sometimes that path is bumpy and we fall down, sometimes we sit and stop a while,or take a step back and other times we pound our fists on the pavement like a lunatic , still other times we find ourselves picking eachother up dusting eachother off and walking alongside them even if only for short time. This blog is dedicated to Ashley , her sisters and every single angel that picked us up along this road.
This is an introduction to the beginning and middle part of our journey the specific blogs are more indepth , the end...well there will never be an end to this journey i've come to realize that , not on this earth, for now we just assimilate it into our life like a hole , a missing limb, a continous ache that you just learn to live with.
When Ashley was about 12 years old she asked if she could go to youth group at a local church , i didn't have any church upbringing but know i craved it throughout my life , this was a rare opportunity and i recognized that if i didn't embrace it now she may lose her interst in it very quickly and beocme a jaded, cynical, stubborn person like her mom. My husband grew up in a very religious (shove it down your throat) kinda religion( i wont mention any names)or maybe it was the way he was raised ? Anyways i encouraged her to go because the community we had moved to embraced this kinda thing so i thought why not? Naturally and shortly after she started attending she was soon encouraging us to go , she had made quite a leadership name for herself there , pionner leader , sunday school helper etc, i was comfortable for the first time in my life going to a church, maybe it was the first word that greeted you as you walked in..."belong" maybe it was because they embraced community and outreach service in our city , dont know, but soon found it very therapeutic, cheaper than a shrink, and our other 3 girls jumped on board pretty quickly, my husband well... a work in progress , he communes with God in a fishing boat he says , although makes many efforts to go even if just for good way to start the week, i was still cynical , felt i wasnt holy enough but went anyways.
Ashley was scheduled to sing a solo in the church choir Dec 16 2007 , i was scared for her, i was sure she got her singing skills from me which was nil at best. She sang beautifully and you couldnt tell she had been complaining of cramps , something i chalked up to girls stuff/growing pains for a couple weeks off and on, she was an active healthy girl. When the performnce was done we got our christmas tree and i took her to the clinic to have it checked out before Christmas , they sent us to our local hosptial for tests , i was worried it was appendix. Darcy, my husband left the hosptial to go pick up our other 3 girls from friends houses , i caught the doctor in the ahallways and asked if the ulstrasound pictures were back, i remember having eye contact with Ashley only feet away from me but far enough away for her not to hear the doctor to so impassionaltely say "its not appendix, it looks like cancer", i have to stop as i write this because it is still one of the 2 biggest shocks in my entire life, i think i ran down the hallways screaming with no sound coming from my throat and not knowing where i was running . I phoned Darcy and words didnt come out of my mouth. Before I knew it we were at out local Childrens Hospital(100km away) meeting oncologiosts , being give an "oncology team" which consisted of a primary nurse, a social worker, a main oncologist and a shrink....wait a minute ...what is an oncologist? yep, a cancer doctor, this was the real thing . we waited 4 days to find out what type we were dealing with ... it was curable 90 % even though she was stage 4 , how the hell can my kid have stage 4 cancer and only a few cramps , it was mind bending. We were thrown stright into a world so foriegn to us , everything stopped ..jobs ..PAC meetings ,carppoling and yes even some friends who"couldn't handle it" it was no longer our own beds , our own home, our own anything. Treatments and life became unbearable , the 90% cure rate was not looking good at any stage throughout our journey , it seemd to be always full of negative news to the point where i couldnt stand the face of her oncologist , it nearly made me want to vomit everytime i saw him...The words they briefed us on as we began this mind altering path was " one of you will grieve through this process and no matter the out come the other will grieve after " they couldn't have been more right.......Ashley insisted on going to church on Christmas eve, two nights before she was to start chemo at the end of the service our pastor came to pray with us , i didn't know many people in the church , but wow did they know Ashley, when we rose our heads from bowing in prayer the whole congregation was surrounding us , i knew at that moment who i was going to need to get me through this ...would he be willing to listen to me...
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