Posting the lyrics to a song composed (and now played on select radio stations around the country) by Megan Mcneil another brave teen cancer fighter from BCCH..words of inspiration to all brave ones still fighting...
I want to give children fighting cancer "The Will To Survive". Absolutely! Here they are...
The Will To Survive:
What’s it like to have your life change in a moment
What’s it like to have it all taken away and
Put in the hands of doctor’s that you just met
And just rely on hope to keep you holding on
Here’s a story of a journey
One so hard it drains your spirit
So hard to convince yourself that you can make it through
Here’s to the fight
Here’s to the fighters
Here’s to the brave that take this on
Here’s to the lost souls
Here’s to the new hope
We’ll keep on keeping on
In the fight for life
The fight for life
Sitting in the doctor’s chair processing the information
Not understanding how this could happen to me
Going from an average teen age life with normal teen age problems
To blood tests and IV poles and a life I don’t want to lead
Gotta stay strong and stay united
Face our fears and stand our ground
We can convince ourselves that we can make it through
Here’s to the fight
Here’s to the fighters
Here’s to the brave that take this on
Here’s to the lost souls
Here’s to the new hope
We’ll keep on keeping on
In the fight for life
The fight for life
What will make us strong enough so we will tackle this battle
And what will make us strong enough to walk straight through Hell
To get us back to Heaven where we’ll see light again.
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the fight
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the fighters
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the brave
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the lost souls
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the lost locks
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the hard knocks
We’ve got the will to survive
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
The True Colours of Grief
by Lowey Family on Monday, September 20, 2010 at 11:41am
Suffering from writers block lately , that is probably why i never chose this field to get into, couldn't imagine trying to come up with something when the mood does not strike. I suppose i could write of our adventures over the summer, afterall it is why i write these blogs just a reminder to others that one can "do grief" and live alongside it, not always, but sometimes.
Actually had a pretty good summer , i call it summer number 2 or "second summer after the fact"... maybe how life is measured now ...before and after.Spent a beautiful week on the sunshine coast , Lund and savoury Island, mostly prawninig , now that was an experience. Darcy had the whole adventure planned out we each had our own job to do on the boat,rigging and pulling and driving etc it was like one of those projects you have to work together to accomplish a goal, much like grief, and we did , thank goodness the kids don't even like seafood , more prawns for us...highly recommend this destination , Savoury Island is remote, laden with white sand, sea life and crystal waters in a mixture of hues which formed varying degrees of turquoise, a little piece of heaven, scouting it out as my future retirement home which i am forecasting could happen anytime for me , guess i should start saving ..lol
We also spent another week travelling through Jasper to Edmonton and beyond to Athabasca for a beautiful wedding and visiting family (both sides) The colours of the mountains ...breathtakaing This trip a little less "roughing it", real running toilets and waterfall jacuzzis in the Polynesian themed rooms at West Ed hotel , which was a far cry form the trickle our trailer shower affords us, the kids shopped til WE dropped, there is something about places that big , i swear there were duplicate stores that made you feel like you were going out of your mind or travelling in circles.
The kids attended another week at Camp Goodtimes and christy is now a graduate and will move on to a leader...gee if you had asked me a few years ago about Camp Goodtimes ,i wouldn't have known what it was or who it was for and now it is an absolute life line for my kids, hence the fundraising efforts, hard not to support a cause that has given your children so much peace, you can see this written on Brittanny's face in her Cops fpr Cancer commercial, a rainbow after a storm.
Darcy returned to fishing this year which was a stellar year, back in his element, not just for the sport or the hee-man gathering, but for the sense of peace it gives him. He was truly blessed this year a sense of returning to old for him and for the girls , Brittanny and Christy spendng alot of time out on the river camping and fishing (not really mine and stef's thing). Bittersweet , missing Ashley , very reverant , she was missed by all the fishermen/women, kept expecting her to come walking up the beach 2 fish in hand and her dog following not far behind...hard because Brittany really picked it up this year , bringing her own fish in, learning to use a carving knife , a right of passage i suppose,really adapting to the whole fishing lifestyle...caring for all the dogs on the beach ... you can imagine what that does with your mind and heart. Fishing season is over for another year and sad i think for them to leave it behind , it wasn't just fishing they had to walk away from it was their sanctuary , their holy place, a place you have to come to terms with, the past and future coliding, a cosmic crash, for everyone , not just us, it was a coming of peace through pain and i do believe God had a hand in that ...comfort in struggle once again, which brings me to another topic...
Recently i was asked to participate in a bereavement support telephone group with other parents who have lost children to cancer via BCCH social workers and psychologists, it has been an real eye opener to the titled "the hard work of grief' The timing had been perfect because lately i had found that magically around the 18 month mark of Ashleys passing we had been getting some "interesting" advice from people who were a little removed from this whole situation about how they "think' they would be coping through this .I mean no disrespect as i write this but this comes on the heels of listening to other parents discuss their bereavement, that they wish there was a book to give to to others about " grief of losing a child" Now i know there are many well meaning people out there and maybe there does need to be a "how to" book on the subject because this is a different grief,NOT saying less or more painful but different than losing a grandparent to cancer. as i respect anyone who has lost anyone to cancer it is a struggle no matter which way you look at it and i would never pipe in on my Ideas about how someone "should " cope after losing a parent to cancer i would expect the same respect for our grief. I am not trying to be unappreciative and i have thanked the many angles who have "just been" with us through this journey , but i have to say that suggesting that anybody be ready for anything going through this should just stay silent. Suggesting we have a formal family picture done or that we need to be exhibiting any other advances into "a normal life " really isnt getting it ,so here it is . I get that people dont always know what to say , i have come to be "ok" with people avoiding me in the grocery store , or ditching away , or disaapearing completely from my life out of fear(thier loss...true colours) i empathize that the words may not be profound , its ok , even saying something wrong out of stumbling for the right words is ok too. I remember one older person saying to me that " well it s better ( cancer) at her age , she is strong and is more resilant" , now i know they meant that if they had cancer it might be a harder fight at their age, i can look past and see what is meant , but the intentional advice from people who have not been there is not only un- warranted but disrespectful. I have had a few people( and i mean a few ...like 4) within a few short weeks of Ashlyes passing suggest that i "looked " broken and that i shouldn't let this ruin me ,or have even been offended by how my giref , my solemness/silentness has offended them, that i am not the same person. Are they kidding me , are they really that short sighted to be completely concerned about their own interpretation of how or what i may be feeling, or what "they " think i need after really hardly knowing me at all. It astounds me at the lack of wisdom or insight some people have., if there are a few things you really shouldnt comment on is how one copes with grief , clearly if that person is doing harm to themsleves or others then by all means approach or offer support, but ones own intrepretation , c'mon people thats not what this world is about. I m not doing this to vent my own frustrations singularly i am doing this to give a brief look into a subject i can attest to , certainly cannot give advice on losing a parent or sibling so i would never bother, so what would make others think that they could pipe in with advice that really very few have experienced. Most parents i know , no matter how they are coping are doing a pretty damn good job, the fact they get outta bed every morning , dont throw themsleves under a friggin bus and thank the Good Lord above then cudos to them ,the ones that have found God ,Jesus or higher power , then even aweomer( eng?) and the ones that have been able to find some good for others or purpose in life, then hey maybe there is light in all this. My purpose is not to make anyone second guess what they have said( in innocence) it is to raise awareness for one subject i can speak about. One complaint i hear over and over again , that unless you have been through exactly this then please stand by us encourage us , afford us some grief behaviours and dont take them personally ( unless they are damaging) This is not easy work , it tempts you into devestation everytime you turn around, everytime you hear a song on the radio , everytime you smell a scent , everytime the season changes , everytime you hear a christmas bell, or a bird sing everytime you see a frog,,everytime you set the table, everytime you go on a vacation , everytime you snap a picture, everyimte some one asks you how many children you have, everytime you see pity in someones eyes, not to mention going back to work and resuming "normal life" its a struggle just to self talk your way in the door. It is hard on a marriage , no doubt , you struggle against your own personal coping strategies all the time , one is up one is down, one is laughing the other is crying. It is hard work every single day,It tests your faith to the very core of your soul and sometimes you come up empty. it is unnnatural, there is no word for a bereaved parent like orphan or widow, in most cases you are isolated from this process . and in many ways you're damned if you do and damned if yo don't. If you are seen as moody or withdrawn then people think youre not coping well when in fact it is protective from being triggered, if you are out there fundraising and campaigning then you are seen as in denial. If you have found God then you are a loon.Like i mentioned this is not a personal attack it is "venting for the collective" It is giref for all who are grieving, us , my nieces , my sisters,family, my parents , my friends, chuch-goers, Ashleys friends, fellow oncolgy parents and yes the fisherman on the beach,somtimes i forget itisi not just us dealing with the insanity of it all
If you ask us to do something and we say "no" without a reason then there really is something stirring in there, some trigger were not ready to face yet,it doesn't mean were weak , stuck, nasty , it means were hurting, were raw we're rebuilding , the road is long , some pieces won't fit like they did before and we have to find away to accomodate the missing pieces Grief is a place of colour as dim as it may seem , but in the depth of pain is when you see the brightest truest colours, of your marriage , your children,your family, your truest friends , the humanity in strangers and the comfort in God.Thank you for being a light in our storm.
Enjoy the beauty of colours as we say hello to Autumn
Peace,
Lori
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Suffering from writers block lately , that is probably why i never chose this field to get into, couldn't imagine trying to come up with something when the mood does not strike. I suppose i could write of our adventures over the summer, afterall it is why i write these blogs just a reminder to others that one can "do grief" and live alongside it, not always, but sometimes.
Actually had a pretty good summer , i call it summer number 2 or "second summer after the fact"... maybe how life is measured now ...before and after.Spent a beautiful week on the sunshine coast , Lund and savoury Island, mostly prawninig , now that was an experience. Darcy had the whole adventure planned out we each had our own job to do on the boat,rigging and pulling and driving etc it was like one of those projects you have to work together to accomplish a goal, much like grief, and we did , thank goodness the kids don't even like seafood , more prawns for us...highly recommend this destination , Savoury Island is remote, laden with white sand, sea life and crystal waters in a mixture of hues which formed varying degrees of turquoise, a little piece of heaven, scouting it out as my future retirement home which i am forecasting could happen anytime for me , guess i should start saving ..lol
We also spent another week travelling through Jasper to Edmonton and beyond to Athabasca for a beautiful wedding and visiting family (both sides) The colours of the mountains ...breathtakaing This trip a little less "roughing it", real running toilets and waterfall jacuzzis in the Polynesian themed rooms at West Ed hotel , which was a far cry form the trickle our trailer shower affords us, the kids shopped til WE dropped, there is something about places that big , i swear there were duplicate stores that made you feel like you were going out of your mind or travelling in circles.
The kids attended another week at Camp Goodtimes and christy is now a graduate and will move on to a leader...gee if you had asked me a few years ago about Camp Goodtimes ,i wouldn't have known what it was or who it was for and now it is an absolute life line for my kids, hence the fundraising efforts, hard not to support a cause that has given your children so much peace, you can see this written on Brittanny's face in her Cops fpr Cancer commercial, a rainbow after a storm.
Darcy returned to fishing this year which was a stellar year, back in his element, not just for the sport or the hee-man gathering, but for the sense of peace it gives him. He was truly blessed this year a sense of returning to old for him and for the girls , Brittanny and Christy spendng alot of time out on the river camping and fishing (not really mine and stef's thing). Bittersweet , missing Ashley , very reverant , she was missed by all the fishermen/women, kept expecting her to come walking up the beach 2 fish in hand and her dog following not far behind...hard because Brittany really picked it up this year , bringing her own fish in, learning to use a carving knife , a right of passage i suppose,really adapting to the whole fishing lifestyle...caring for all the dogs on the beach ... you can imagine what that does with your mind and heart. Fishing season is over for another year and sad i think for them to leave it behind , it wasn't just fishing they had to walk away from it was their sanctuary , their holy place, a place you have to come to terms with, the past and future coliding, a cosmic crash, for everyone , not just us, it was a coming of peace through pain and i do believe God had a hand in that ...comfort in struggle once again, which brings me to another topic...
Recently i was asked to participate in a bereavement support telephone group with other parents who have lost children to cancer via BCCH social workers and psychologists, it has been an real eye opener to the titled "the hard work of grief' The timing had been perfect because lately i had found that magically around the 18 month mark of Ashleys passing we had been getting some "interesting" advice from people who were a little removed from this whole situation about how they "think' they would be coping through this .I mean no disrespect as i write this but this comes on the heels of listening to other parents discuss their bereavement, that they wish there was a book to give to to others about " grief of losing a child" Now i know there are many well meaning people out there and maybe there does need to be a "how to" book on the subject because this is a different grief,NOT saying less or more painful but different than losing a grandparent to cancer. as i respect anyone who has lost anyone to cancer it is a struggle no matter which way you look at it and i would never pipe in on my Ideas about how someone "should " cope after losing a parent to cancer i would expect the same respect for our grief. I am not trying to be unappreciative and i have thanked the many angles who have "just been" with us through this journey , but i have to say that suggesting that anybody be ready for anything going through this should just stay silent. Suggesting we have a formal family picture done or that we need to be exhibiting any other advances into "a normal life " really isnt getting it ,so here it is . I get that people dont always know what to say , i have come to be "ok" with people avoiding me in the grocery store , or ditching away , or disaapearing completely from my life out of fear(thier loss...true colours) i empathize that the words may not be profound , its ok , even saying something wrong out of stumbling for the right words is ok too. I remember one older person saying to me that " well it s better ( cancer) at her age , she is strong and is more resilant" , now i know they meant that if they had cancer it might be a harder fight at their age, i can look past and see what is meant , but the intentional advice from people who have not been there is not only un- warranted but disrespectful. I have had a few people( and i mean a few ...like 4) within a few short weeks of Ashlyes passing suggest that i "looked " broken and that i shouldn't let this ruin me ,or have even been offended by how my giref , my solemness/silentness has offended them, that i am not the same person. Are they kidding me , are they really that short sighted to be completely concerned about their own interpretation of how or what i may be feeling, or what "they " think i need after really hardly knowing me at all. It astounds me at the lack of wisdom or insight some people have., if there are a few things you really shouldnt comment on is how one copes with grief , clearly if that person is doing harm to themsleves or others then by all means approach or offer support, but ones own intrepretation , c'mon people thats not what this world is about. I m not doing this to vent my own frustrations singularly i am doing this to give a brief look into a subject i can attest to , certainly cannot give advice on losing a parent or sibling so i would never bother, so what would make others think that they could pipe in with advice that really very few have experienced. Most parents i know , no matter how they are coping are doing a pretty damn good job, the fact they get outta bed every morning , dont throw themsleves under a friggin bus and thank the Good Lord above then cudos to them ,the ones that have found God ,Jesus or higher power , then even aweomer( eng?) and the ones that have been able to find some good for others or purpose in life, then hey maybe there is light in all this. My purpose is not to make anyone second guess what they have said( in innocence) it is to raise awareness for one subject i can speak about. One complaint i hear over and over again , that unless you have been through exactly this then please stand by us encourage us , afford us some grief behaviours and dont take them personally ( unless they are damaging) This is not easy work , it tempts you into devestation everytime you turn around, everytime you hear a song on the radio , everytime you smell a scent , everytime the season changes , everytime you hear a christmas bell, or a bird sing everytime you see a frog,,everytime you set the table, everytime you go on a vacation , everytime you snap a picture, everyimte some one asks you how many children you have, everytime you see pity in someones eyes, not to mention going back to work and resuming "normal life" its a struggle just to self talk your way in the door. It is hard on a marriage , no doubt , you struggle against your own personal coping strategies all the time , one is up one is down, one is laughing the other is crying. It is hard work every single day,It tests your faith to the very core of your soul and sometimes you come up empty. it is unnnatural, there is no word for a bereaved parent like orphan or widow, in most cases you are isolated from this process . and in many ways you're damned if you do and damned if yo don't. If you are seen as moody or withdrawn then people think youre not coping well when in fact it is protective from being triggered, if you are out there fundraising and campaigning then you are seen as in denial. If you have found God then you are a loon.Like i mentioned this is not a personal attack it is "venting for the collective" It is giref for all who are grieving, us , my nieces , my sisters,family, my parents , my friends, chuch-goers, Ashleys friends, fellow oncolgy parents and yes the fisherman on the beach,somtimes i forget itisi not just us dealing with the insanity of it all
If you ask us to do something and we say "no" without a reason then there really is something stirring in there, some trigger were not ready to face yet,it doesn't mean were weak , stuck, nasty , it means were hurting, were raw we're rebuilding , the road is long , some pieces won't fit like they did before and we have to find away to accomodate the missing pieces Grief is a place of colour as dim as it may seem , but in the depth of pain is when you see the brightest truest colours, of your marriage , your children,your family, your truest friends , the humanity in strangers and the comfort in God.Thank you for being a light in our storm.
Enjoy the beauty of colours as we say hello to Autumn
Peace,
Lori
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Wednesday, June 30, 2010
The release
Butterflies
Well the butterfly release in her garden was amazing ,so many people joined us either in body or spirit to set our butterflies free, however my little butterfly decided to hang out on me for a good 20 minutes , i contemplated several times whether to just capture her and place her safely in a treasure box where she would be safe , but that is not what butterflies were made to do.
Thank you everyone , the sun was shining and we were in the company of a handful of Ashleys favourite people , thank you to everyone else for your warm thoughts, gifts and prayers. You'll be happy to know we served Ashleys favourite foods and ice cream cake too. she was with us everywhere.
Happy 18th Birthday Ashley, we miss you and love you very much, gone but not forgotten
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Happy 18th Birthday Ashley
Good Morning Ashley,
Today would have been your 18th birthday, words cannot describe how much i long for you and how i imagined your 18th birthday would be. I miss your smile and the softenss of your skin, i only have that in my dreams now , i can only feel it now, drink it up now, by watching the butterflies bounce around in your garden. You continue to inspire and teach those you left behind what it truly means to fly, to be free, to live beyond what this world can offer. I pray you are saving a place for us and i look forward to the day we meet again. We have been raising butterflies from caterpillars and i have to say watching them grow into such beauty and emerge into gifts from God has been reminaiecnt of watching you grow and fly away, it will be hard to let them leave , my heart, my selfish hands will hesitate and want to hang on a little longer and cover them up and protect them ,not let them go , but i know better, i know that I can't . i have to set you free, to explore , your work is done and now you must just send little reminders once in a while that you are here and amongst us and you are doing what every butterfly does ... brighten the lives of those around you, make us stop, smile and thank God for your beauty. Happy Birthday Ashley.
While Waiting For Thee
Don't weep at my grave,
For I am not there.
I've a date with a butterfly
To dance in the air.
I'll be singing in the sunshine
Wild and Free
Playing tag with teh wind
While I'm waiting for thee
P.S. how fitting that the daily puppy ad beside your blog today happens to be a yorkshire terrier , Sophy, we miss her too and celebrate today 11 years ago when you two first became soul mates
Today would have been your 18th birthday, words cannot describe how much i long for you and how i imagined your 18th birthday would be. I miss your smile and the softenss of your skin, i only have that in my dreams now , i can only feel it now, drink it up now, by watching the butterflies bounce around in your garden. You continue to inspire and teach those you left behind what it truly means to fly, to be free, to live beyond what this world can offer. I pray you are saving a place for us and i look forward to the day we meet again. We have been raising butterflies from caterpillars and i have to say watching them grow into such beauty and emerge into gifts from God has been reminaiecnt of watching you grow and fly away, it will be hard to let them leave , my heart, my selfish hands will hesitate and want to hang on a little longer and cover them up and protect them ,not let them go , but i know better, i know that I can't . i have to set you free, to explore , your work is done and now you must just send little reminders once in a while that you are here and amongst us and you are doing what every butterfly does ... brighten the lives of those around you, make us stop, smile and thank God for your beauty. Happy Birthday Ashley.
While Waiting For Thee
Don't weep at my grave,
For I am not there.
I've a date with a butterfly
To dance in the air.
I'll be singing in the sunshine
Wild and Free
Playing tag with teh wind
While I'm waiting for thee
P.S. how fitting that the daily puppy ad beside your blog today happens to be a yorkshire terrier , Sophy, we miss her too and celebrate today 11 years ago when you two first became soul mates
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Prom June 2010
Well its midnight and I have contemplated off and on all day what this day would have ,should have, looked like for you , for us. As i awoke this morning i day dreamed that maybe you would have taken Sophy for a walk and started getting ready for your big night ,your dad would make you pancakes for breakfast and we would present you with a beautiful ring or something else significant, maybe a camera because your photography skills had really taken off, Brittanny would hand you beaded friendship bracelet which you would have put on to make her happy. Maybe you would have had some friends over had a swim and hot tub before helping eachother with hair and make up , i would have brought you all your favourite foods and maybe your dad would have wandered in off and on from the garage occassionally telling you how pretty you looked, maybe you'd be telling your sisters to get lost but they would be wanting to watch in awe of their big sis. Then it would be time to get your dress on, the one your sisters and i went dream grad dress shopping for , it was so pretty , like a rainbow. It would be time to have maybe some more friends over, we would talk with the ohter parents about how fast time has gone and how we recalled each of your preschhol days and each of your fututre plans, how we would take a million pictures and videos , some by the rose bush , some by what is now your garden , some with the citizenhsip scholarship i know you would have won ., pictures with me and your dad and some begrundignly with your sisters and of course some of you being silly. Soon it would be time to say goodbye, maybe you had a date or maybe you just decided to hang with your friends , either way i know there would be a boy who couldn't wait to dance with you tonight, maybe he bought you a beautiful white corsage. Your dad would read you the riot act and make you promise him the moon and the stars before letting you go. We'd wait all night to make sure you got home safe but we know what a good kid you are and how much fun you create with out anything dangerous, you'd phone us once or twice or maybe you'd forget as you always seemed to. I know you'd eat lots at the banquet and not care what anyone thought. You'd dance with your friends and maybe that special boy who was honoured to have you on his arm because you were the most beautiful girl there.As tomboy and jeans and tshirt as you normally are this night you were a princess. You'd come bounding in the door at a fairly decent hour maybe having recieved a kiss goodnight from that special boy , you'd tell us all about your night and you'd be giggling through the silly antics. Your dad would kiss you on the forehead and tell you how proud he was of you , how beautiful you looked and ask you to go fishing tomorrow, he would go to bed thankful you were home safe . I would sit with you and watch you as the night spun through your head and wonder where you go from here , imagining the next exciting steps in your life , i would kiss you on the forehead and tell you how proud i was of you and how beautiful you looked as you lie your head on your pillow and drift off to sleep waiting for tomorrow. I would pour myself a cup of tea head off to bed and lie my head on my pillow and thank God my daughter is safe.
Okay well sometimes life doesn't go as planned and as i walked outside just before writing this to lock the door a beautiful gold butterfly flew towards me into the light of the door just to say goodnight. I am off to bed now and as i lie my head down on my pillow i will thank God my daughter is safe
Okay well sometimes life doesn't go as planned and as i walked outside just before writing this to lock the door a beautiful gold butterfly flew towards me into the light of the door just to say goodnight. I am off to bed now and as i lie my head down on my pillow i will thank God my daughter is safe
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Convocation Coccoons Christianity and Craziness June 2010
Convocation, Coccoons, Christianity and Craziness
Today at 10:15pm | Edit Note | Delete
Oh man , what a month. I don't understand why everything has to fall at eh end of the year , it seems like teachers, coaches, etc feel compelled to provide some sort of wing ding at the end of the year multiply that by 2 , 3 , 4 or more kids and it loses its pleasure in the mirco management of year end planning....here's a thought leaders..."you'd be doing us all a favour if you all got together and spread out these activities between February and April .sound good ? i'll have my people call yours...or better yet, hey don't feel obligated to do anything, i would like you more and really you'd end up with a better year-end gift than a dollar store mug".
Okay enough ranting i can't blame it all on teachers schools coaches etc life is crazy, i promised myself i would never let it get crazy again , that when i noticed things spinning outta control i would ask myself "how important is this ,really?" Back when we were hospitalling , we didn't have a choice that was not only crazy but insane.
I won't bore you with the mundane, just the highlights ...Christy and Stefanny are now working together for a family friend who imports retail fish ( goldfish, tetra's , frogs , those kind) not a diva job by any means, so not only do they bicker over clothes and make-up every morning they now roll themselves in the door at 6 pm arguing about whose fish is better , who packaged the most fish and who killed the least ...ah fish bliss, i'm sure they will laugh about it one day.
Ashleys scholarship was given out a few weeks ago , i couldn't believe how nervous we were didn't realize the enormity of it i guess until we got there, hard sitting alongside people on stage that are giving out a token of their fallen son, daughter , grandpa just wanting to scream out "remember this person they made a difference in the world" , they are here they are holding the hands of the person (family) stretching out their arms with a gift they are holding the hand of the person so deserving of receiving the gift.Ashley was there. We kept it together even when the grand march of grads entered the church sanctuary to scottish bagpipes and i forced myself not to look at where i assumed Ashley would have, should have, sat. As we were called upon stage a very lovely person whom i've come to know recently yelled out inside a very somber room" love you lori " what a comfort , what i nice thing to do what an act of empathy .. thank you leanne. Anyways our recipient to Ashleys award was Amy T. it was an obvious choice, someone i know Ashley would have chosen, funny cause i could see Ashley with her big smile saying "way to go Amy" Glad to see her other very good friends recieve shcolarships too (jacquline , trinda)Deepest congratulations to all the grads, enjoy , have fun , be safe. For us , as sad as it was sometimes watching kids fill the seats at convocation , ones she went to pre school with , ones she went to elementary school with ,ones she had sleepovers with , i told myself over and over again...she has reached even higher than this , she has graduated and triumphed beyond this, she has received a greater glory, a greater crown , she is ok. We left when we knew we had enough and i'm kinda sad we didn't stay , i later found out that valedictorian talked about Ashley , talked about her smile and her free spiritedness , her attitude , maybe it was good i didn't hear that there , I may have lost it. Thanks Corbin.
A big thank you to all our donors, runners, sponsors and supporters for your contribution to Childrun this year,our team grew by a few more this year including my sister and niece, we were proud to join forces with "Logan is our Angel " what an event , Logan has fought brain cancer for 5 years was not expected to be the miracle she has so eloquently developed into , i'm sure you've seen her big smile and angelic face plastered everywhere , she was the poster child this year and we were honoured to be part of the team , in keeping with our annual commitment to tell Ashleys story we still ran under "Ashleys journey " and this year we had t-shirts made up in her name displaying a butterfly of faith on the front. The evening before was a "team Logan" fundraiser , where again, our brave girl was honoured too., i think the goal was far surpassed, reaching 35,000.00, Lu Lu Lemon guy, Chip Wilson matched the donations , so over 70,000.00 in one unblievable night ..not bad, was nice to see and meet up again with other families/ parents running and supporting in the name of their child, some whom i have only met faceless on facebook , funny how you can spot them in a crowd of thousands. Childrun has been kind enough to donate extra large left over tshirts to Ashley comfort bags for sleepshirts for parents...nice huh?
Butterflies are coccooning as we speak , this year we decided to raise butterflies , for release on Ashleys upcoming 18th bday on the 29th , so far i don't think i've killed any , we'll see , notice no live plants in my house , theres a reason for that.
On a side note , i have recently started a blog in ashleys name, i have ported all the blogs since the beginning of this journey from facebook to the blog , i suppose i did this because i hope in one way or another it reaches someone desperate to find out that as hell as it is losing a child and sister that there is peace in knowing that we will see eachother again , that as ive said before this world is temporary, it is a PRACTICING place , a place to let your hearts be broken to the suffering of the world and to the people right next to you, to see what you do with it. Thank you for doing something with it.
Summer is on the horizon , can't wait , no schedules , no school notices, no packed lunches to make, just fun in the sun ( wherever thats been lately) although it already seems so booked , Darcy and Christy are off on a whitewater rafting trip soon with Christys church youth group , Darcy is driving the bus , excuse me while i kill myself laughing , someone ,not sure who , is in for a real treat...lololololol. Ahhh speaking of church , enjoyed the church sermon a couple weeks ago about not being fake , or putting on the appearance of just looking like "a Christian" that its imprortant not to just look the part , to really DO and FOLLOW and SERVE. i look over at Darcy who happened to be wearing a suit...k you probably no where im going with this.... our pastor comes up to us at the end and remarks how good he looked , i owned up , i admitted that he is only wearing a suit because i haven't done laundry in 2 weeks , cause i 've been too cranky with all the "year end" suff and working full time for the last 2 weeks to do laundry , and the reason our kids are looking so cheery is because we decided to stay for the brunch after church because i haven't gone grocery shopping either, so they are just happy to be fed , "eat up kids", I told you i wasn't made for f/t paid labour , I can't do it all and i don't aspire to "doing it all" No fake Christians here , maybe not always great ones either, but PRACTICING as best we can.Thanks for reading
Peace,
Lori
p.s. here is the blog info http://followingashleysjourney.blogspot.com/
p.p.s congratualtions to all my amazing children on all your year end successes, dance rugby academics, and your courage... you're awesome!
A special conGraduation to Baylee, Ashleys BFF , you're a great friend and i can't wait to see you in your dress.To Shakira , Ashleys cousin, you should be very proud of yourself, as well to Jordan Hopper Ashleys babyhood friend and "ashleys Journey " team member Good Job Jordan, we are very proud of you,Amanda S , Sara M and many many more good luck and prayers to you all.
Today at 10:15pm | Edit Note | Delete
Oh man , what a month. I don't understand why everything has to fall at eh end of the year , it seems like teachers, coaches, etc feel compelled to provide some sort of wing ding at the end of the year multiply that by 2 , 3 , 4 or more kids and it loses its pleasure in the mirco management of year end planning....here's a thought leaders..."you'd be doing us all a favour if you all got together and spread out these activities between February and April .sound good ? i'll have my people call yours...or better yet, hey don't feel obligated to do anything, i would like you more and really you'd end up with a better year-end gift than a dollar store mug".
Okay enough ranting i can't blame it all on teachers schools coaches etc life is crazy, i promised myself i would never let it get crazy again , that when i noticed things spinning outta control i would ask myself "how important is this ,really?" Back when we were hospitalling , we didn't have a choice that was not only crazy but insane.
I won't bore you with the mundane, just the highlights ...Christy and Stefanny are now working together for a family friend who imports retail fish ( goldfish, tetra's , frogs , those kind) not a diva job by any means, so not only do they bicker over clothes and make-up every morning they now roll themselves in the door at 6 pm arguing about whose fish is better , who packaged the most fish and who killed the least ...ah fish bliss, i'm sure they will laugh about it one day.
Ashleys scholarship was given out a few weeks ago , i couldn't believe how nervous we were didn't realize the enormity of it i guess until we got there, hard sitting alongside people on stage that are giving out a token of their fallen son, daughter , grandpa just wanting to scream out "remember this person they made a difference in the world" , they are here they are holding the hands of the person (family) stretching out their arms with a gift they are holding the hand of the person so deserving of receiving the gift.Ashley was there. We kept it together even when the grand march of grads entered the church sanctuary to scottish bagpipes and i forced myself not to look at where i assumed Ashley would have, should have, sat. As we were called upon stage a very lovely person whom i've come to know recently yelled out inside a very somber room" love you lori " what a comfort , what i nice thing to do what an act of empathy .. thank you leanne. Anyways our recipient to Ashleys award was Amy T. it was an obvious choice, someone i know Ashley would have chosen, funny cause i could see Ashley with her big smile saying "way to go Amy" Glad to see her other very good friends recieve shcolarships too (jacquline , trinda)Deepest congratulations to all the grads, enjoy , have fun , be safe. For us , as sad as it was sometimes watching kids fill the seats at convocation , ones she went to pre school with , ones she went to elementary school with ,ones she had sleepovers with , i told myself over and over again...she has reached even higher than this , she has graduated and triumphed beyond this, she has received a greater glory, a greater crown , she is ok. We left when we knew we had enough and i'm kinda sad we didn't stay , i later found out that valedictorian talked about Ashley , talked about her smile and her free spiritedness , her attitude , maybe it was good i didn't hear that there , I may have lost it. Thanks Corbin.
A big thank you to all our donors, runners, sponsors and supporters for your contribution to Childrun this year,our team grew by a few more this year including my sister and niece, we were proud to join forces with "Logan is our Angel " what an event , Logan has fought brain cancer for 5 years was not expected to be the miracle she has so eloquently developed into , i'm sure you've seen her big smile and angelic face plastered everywhere , she was the poster child this year and we were honoured to be part of the team , in keeping with our annual commitment to tell Ashleys story we still ran under "Ashleys journey " and this year we had t-shirts made up in her name displaying a butterfly of faith on the front. The evening before was a "team Logan" fundraiser , where again, our brave girl was honoured too., i think the goal was far surpassed, reaching 35,000.00, Lu Lu Lemon guy, Chip Wilson matched the donations , so over 70,000.00 in one unblievable night ..not bad, was nice to see and meet up again with other families/ parents running and supporting in the name of their child, some whom i have only met faceless on facebook , funny how you can spot them in a crowd of thousands. Childrun has been kind enough to donate extra large left over tshirts to Ashley comfort bags for sleepshirts for parents...nice huh?
Butterflies are coccooning as we speak , this year we decided to raise butterflies , for release on Ashleys upcoming 18th bday on the 29th , so far i don't think i've killed any , we'll see , notice no live plants in my house , theres a reason for that.
On a side note , i have recently started a blog in ashleys name, i have ported all the blogs since the beginning of this journey from facebook to the blog , i suppose i did this because i hope in one way or another it reaches someone desperate to find out that as hell as it is losing a child and sister that there is peace in knowing that we will see eachother again , that as ive said before this world is temporary, it is a PRACTICING place , a place to let your hearts be broken to the suffering of the world and to the people right next to you, to see what you do with it. Thank you for doing something with it.
Summer is on the horizon , can't wait , no schedules , no school notices, no packed lunches to make, just fun in the sun ( wherever thats been lately) although it already seems so booked , Darcy and Christy are off on a whitewater rafting trip soon with Christys church youth group , Darcy is driving the bus , excuse me while i kill myself laughing , someone ,not sure who , is in for a real treat...lololololol. Ahhh speaking of church , enjoyed the church sermon a couple weeks ago about not being fake , or putting on the appearance of just looking like "a Christian" that its imprortant not to just look the part , to really DO and FOLLOW and SERVE. i look over at Darcy who happened to be wearing a suit...k you probably no where im going with this.... our pastor comes up to us at the end and remarks how good he looked , i owned up , i admitted that he is only wearing a suit because i haven't done laundry in 2 weeks , cause i 've been too cranky with all the "year end" suff and working full time for the last 2 weeks to do laundry , and the reason our kids are looking so cheery is because we decided to stay for the brunch after church because i haven't gone grocery shopping either, so they are just happy to be fed , "eat up kids", I told you i wasn't made for f/t paid labour , I can't do it all and i don't aspire to "doing it all" No fake Christians here , maybe not always great ones either, but PRACTICING as best we can.Thanks for reading
Peace,
Lori
p.s. here is the blog info http://followingashleysjourney.blogspot.com/
p.p.s congratualtions to all my amazing children on all your year end successes, dance rugby academics, and your courage... you're awesome!
A special conGraduation to Baylee, Ashleys BFF , you're a great friend and i can't wait to see you in your dress.To Shakira , Ashleys cousin, you should be very proud of yourself, as well to Jordan Hopper Ashleys babyhood friend and "ashleys Journey " team member Good Job Jordan, we are very proud of you,Amanda S , Sara M and many many more good luck and prayers to you all.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Poem..Save A Place...April 2010
save a place for me
Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 11:32pm | Edit Note | Delete
Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you
Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there
Matthew West
Today is 14 moths since we all last said goodbye to you at the service the same amount of time you fought your brave battle ...miss you every moment of every day and i wait patiently for the day we meet again
Author unknown)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 11:32pm | Edit Note | Delete
Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you
Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there
Matthew West
Today is 14 moths since we all last said goodbye to you at the service the same amount of time you fought your brave battle ...miss you every moment of every day and i wait patiently for the day we meet again
Author unknown)
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