Lesson learned
It’s been an interesting new year already in the Lowey house lately. Recently my car was totalled , i’m fine , it happened in our driveway, someone took the corner too fast and sent my car ( in my driveway) flying across the yard ...it was a hit and run and despite the plethra of evidence including video camera evidence and the license plate of the perpetrator left behind in our yard ( bahaha) she is young and is some how denying this , i wonder if her parents know, if they are protecting her.
Christy turned 22 on New Years eve . It seems like yesterday , (seriously not trying to be cliche) that i was in the hospital delivering her , she was my winter baby and for several years that was our New Years eve ...Christy’s birthday, of course as they get older the last thing they wanna do is spend NYE with their parents but hard to know when to let go ...speaking of letting go , Stefanny moved out on New Years day, not far , Cloverdale , my sister’s basement suite, but still a new adjustment and obvious void in the house.
I think , looking back , as you’re raising your kids, that although the end game is to prepare them for life, you never really imagine what that day will be like , of course you’re teaching them lessons and obvious coping skills for the real world you don’t really envision that day coming. Sarcastically speaking, there are days you fantasize about turning their room into some sort of sanctuary of peaceful bliss , whatever that means to you , hobby room , sewing room ( not me!) wine tasting room , lol but when they leave and the room is empty suddenly it’s just bare and echoey (word?) But i kinda think i might have screwed up one ( at least one) of the life skills.
When i was growing up in North Vancouver i was very reliant on the bus system , my father left at a young age and my single mother did not drive , i will spare you the stories of having to walk miles to school in the blizzardy snow , cause i think that exaggeration has been done to death by every generation of parent , but i did take the bus to school , as a a matter of fact this is kind of how i met Darcy , we lived across the street from each other and one day i was standing at the bus stop in the pouring rain and his mom stopped to ask if needed a ride ( i later found out that he made her stop and offer me a ride lol) It was an awkward car ride ( he was a huge pest in school) and i kinda felt like a drowned waif of a girl silently sitting in the back seat of their station wagon being examined and interrogated by his 3 year old brother ...awkward!!! the rest is history. Point being , i always envied kids who got driven to school , picked up from soccer practice and I, stoically saying “ no no it’s ok , i’ll walk” , meanwhile wishing i had taken the ride , ugh. Jump ahead 10-15 years to raising my own school aged children and thinking i was super mom by ensuring my children were driven to and from school , events and what have you , like obnoxious doorfront service. As matter of fact anytime the kids ( mine et al ) would suggest taking the bus i would jump up and offer rides... skytrain ??? you gotta be kidding me, even though i rode those things like a rockstar at their age. I thought i was doing everyone a favour , perhaps i got visions in my head of some poor stranded kid , lost and waify alone at a bus stop , hated that vision and subconsciously ( or obsessively ) i guess thought i was doing them a service...i was not !
Skip ahead another 10 years and i realize i kinda dropped the ball. Along with my well commuter educated sister we taught Stef the bus route to her school in New West,it had been a long time since i navigated the mean streets of the city and i was agahst at the changes and navigational wit it requires to be a modern day commuter , more nerve racking than driving at times. Stef was fine, i was uprooted from my comfort zone and heated seats like a fish outta water . It is day 2 of her commuting on her own ( obviously she doesn’t want her mommy escorting her to school everyday , damn!) . Point being i guess is this ....the hardknocks you think you grew up with that you think you want to protect your child from , may in fact be the very life lessons that made you who you are today and while it is ok to cushion some of those crappy experiences don’t shelter them completely from them , they are in fact invaluable life strategy lessons. I suppose this can be true with other life lessons too , coping with money ( or a lack there of ) getting up on time, chores, taking responsibility even if it will cause punishment, etc etc ...i ask myself now “ what am i robbing my kids of if i do this for them ?” Lesson learned!
