Simplicity
Well it's that time of year again and my message is the same , perhaps it goes out to those who are unsure what to do with themselves as this month sweeps most people up in merry sense of busy-ness.
There aren't too many gifts i consider valuable this time of year but one i guess i try to remember and keep close to my heart is that Christmas CAN be something different than what the world dictates to me, it can be simple , un-grand , basic, it can be for-going of the unnecessary , this isn't being scroogy it's time spent with loved ones , a fine meal and if finances happen to treat you to a bonus then sure, ....gift giving. Religiously speaking, the bible does not really dictate the exact birth of Christ but can be a time to be grateful for the birth of a Savior . I think i now happen to know more people , through similar journeys and the clients i see at work that Christmas has become a struggle for many people to get through, this is unfortunate because the bar has been set so high in western culture to provide some idealistic , magical , super hero Christmas, seems to me by watching people who serve others, somehow it takes the focus off the unnecessary... if you struggle at Christmas it's ok to set the bar lower, be gentle with yourself and don't get caught up on the things you just can't do and feel pressured to do.
Having said that , i am grateful if i can just get through this holiday, this month, in peace, i thought i was nearly half way through until i got a phone call on Friday night, i happen to be bell ringing for Christmas kettles with Brittanny's Youth Group on Friday night when i got the dreaded phonecall ... "the girls have been in a car accident", after several explatives that i tried to hush ( as i mentioned i was with the church youth group ...yikes) my body went into that all familiar frozen mode, numb from the brain down. "Really God ? you see where i am right now, right? not that i ring bells to ensure my kids safety and health forever and ever but cmon , now? Once i was able to hustle my terrorized butt out of there i still had a 20 min drive home to grab Darcy and go....oh there's a treat , waking my husband and relaying this info...have you ever tried waking a bear out of hibernation to tell him winter's not really over...this poor man sleeps in startle mode most of non waking hours(battlescars) ...needless to say we were out the door and into that strange familiar December soul-cold air that i hadn't felt in several years, headed for E. Hastings and Kennsington in seconds... but what do you know there's an accident 3 cars ahead of us on the freeway. Mom of the passenger (Jen ) happen to make it to accident scene before us and decided to take the girls to the hospital and meet us there ...Once we met them at the hospital i was able to see them , bruised and battered from the airbags deploying, but alive , walking and besides a very swollen botox-looking lip on Logan, recognizable ...oh did you notice i said Logan , yes Logan the child with umpteen brain tumors ( friends from our time at BCCH) of course i was worried about Christy , her pain she would feel in the next couple days , her ego , her emotions but i just needed to hear that Logan suffered no trauma to anything above her plump lip. Triggers were misfiring in all departments of my body. Once again i found myself sitting next to a familiar friend who i really hoped that i would never have to encounter in a hospital again ...but she was cool as a cucumber , maybe all those years in oncology, this is nothing, this isn't Children's, this is some weird kind of everyday normal kid thing , not to say she wasn't concerned , just a different perspective i guess... i could use a dose of that, and no we had no oncology parent Ativan drug dealing ..(oops i meant sharing ) going on either ... Anyways we all got to leave the hospital at the same time, the cold air blasting me in the face again, this time it seemed slightly warmer... these besties sporting matching hospital bracelets ... some kinda cute memory for them ...some kinda weird torment for us. Oh and Stef poor Stef in all this . her car , Christy borrowed it and well lets just say i think we're car shopping again , minor damage but air bags went off so its probably a done deal.
Well yesterday marked the 6th anniversary of diagnosis day and today the day i first encountered her oncologist at BCCH...K.S. not the easiest relationship i've ever had but it's not one that should even exist if we were in a perfect world, so ...i'll leave it at that.... bid you all a very peaceful time , may you all experience the possibility of simplicity and peace and giving and gratitude and a year of God's strength and grace for whatever lies a ahead
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Monday, October 21, 2013
A lesson in letting go....
Ok , i haven't written in a few months and today provided me with
enough material to write a book. Give you some backstory first...a few
months ago Christy had made the decision to investigate missions trips ,
did her research and chose OM Canada and a short missions to Chile ,
although very excited for her and her decision to use her talents with
teaching young children her dad and i were quite hesitant and a little
fed up with people saying "she'll be just fine " ...."really ...do you
have a crystal ball? would you have said that to me when Ashley was
having cramps that lead to an ultrasound and so on and so on , just
because something tragic has happened to one of your children does not
give you a free pass on the rest of your children , the world does not
work like that....Anyways, we finally came to the conclusion that she is
18 nearly 19 and will do what she chooses to do and really this is
something selfless and in her words God driven, it's not like she was
going on a 3 week booze cruise to Mexico... so priorities right ,
convictions right? Anyways , she fundraised shared her heartfelt
testimony managed to get the time off at a fairly new job and
communicated the paperwork etc to get this going, HOWEVER, the mom part
of me would consistently ask her questions re the trip , the
particulars , itinerary etc, answers were met by "I got this don't
worry, I can do it myself" ....Folks, this is not like helping your
child prepare for her gr 7 camp or band trip this was a lesson in
letting go ...yesterday ,i had noticed that she was barely packed , i
asked her if she needed help , i may well have just asked her if she
wanted me to go with her ..."Christy do you have appropriate shorts to
wear there (its 27 deg) and not your daisy dukes for crying out loud"...
"MOM i'll get some" .. (this is 24 hours prior to trip) . Jump ahead
mid afternoon, day before trip, she starts making cupcakes to take to
her coworkers ( we're not allowed any by the way) then off to lunch with
friends ...now i'm cringing , she strolls in at 4 ish with her friend,
i order her favorite dinner and suggest we all watch a movie, movie
finishes around 8 and she decides she has to go get a travel convertor
because ours is not the right one..phones me an hour later to inform
me she and Stef are going out for her friends bday dessert at Cactus
Club , now i'm in panic mode. strolls in at 10 p.m. , packs a bit more ,
never did get her convertor. The next morning 7:30 am (90 mins prior
to leaving for airport,) she takes her time curling her hair , picking
an outfit, doing her make up and getting dressed, at 8 am informs us
she's gotta go drop off her cupcakes at work then drop a bday card off
for her friend and pick up a travel convertor .."ugh all these things
i/she could have done a week ago " she strolls in the door at 8:55 ...
the rest of us have out coats on standing at the door, with her
luggage inn our hands ready to go , she heads back to the bathroom to
finish winding her hair around her curling rod and telling us to relax
."CHRISTY we have to go " ...."k well i have to send an email from my
phone to the computer and print it off first " 41 flippin pages later (
no joke) and just what is this document ???? a handbook of all the
answers to questions i had been asking for months...are you
kidding??????????
Ok now were at the airport, not that i expected some hallmark moment at Air Canada departures but if you want the rundown on that slice of heaven i'm sure you can catch it on some episode of Candid Camera or airport security cameras "teenage daughter blasts family "i can do it myself" it;'s alright and by the end of it we were all laughing and shaking our heads, really did you expect any less /more .
Needless to say it's been a stressful week , with the passing of my dad ( almost a year to the day of Darcy's dad's passing ) We had intended to visit him on the Sunday so Christy could say her possible last goodbye's but as fate has it cancer had other ideas ...stupid cancer full of so many evils, he passed way 2days prior. Once again i would like to thank everyone for their support and condolences and prayers not only for our loss but also for the prayers of support in letting go. It's been a few days since i started this entry and we have spoken to Christy who seems to be in her element , yesterday she was playing soccer in the courtyard with children from the orphanage, nothing like living vicariously through your children ...hahaha.
Meanwhile on the homefront we are preparing for yet another driver in the house , thankfully she has purchased her own car so mine will be slightly more preserved , strange thing letting go , whether it's your children or your parents , there has to be some sort of resolve , some sort of que sera sera moment when you let be what will let be , make peace with it and know God is with us in all circumstances , perhaps not changing the circumstances, but walking with us through it .
p.s. Christy if you're reading this Dad has been driving you Land Rover , Stef's wearing your clothes and Britt's sleeping in your bed...Just sayin.
Peace and Joy,
Lori
Ok now were at the airport, not that i expected some hallmark moment at Air Canada departures but if you want the rundown on that slice of heaven i'm sure you can catch it on some episode of Candid Camera or airport security cameras "teenage daughter blasts family "i can do it myself" it;'s alright and by the end of it we were all laughing and shaking our heads, really did you expect any less /more .
Needless to say it's been a stressful week , with the passing of my dad ( almost a year to the day of Darcy's dad's passing ) We had intended to visit him on the Sunday so Christy could say her possible last goodbye's but as fate has it cancer had other ideas ...stupid cancer full of so many evils, he passed way 2days prior. Once again i would like to thank everyone for their support and condolences and prayers not only for our loss but also for the prayers of support in letting go. It's been a few days since i started this entry and we have spoken to Christy who seems to be in her element , yesterday she was playing soccer in the courtyard with children from the orphanage, nothing like living vicariously through your children ...hahaha.
Meanwhile on the homefront we are preparing for yet another driver in the house , thankfully she has purchased her own car so mine will be slightly more preserved , strange thing letting go , whether it's your children or your parents , there has to be some sort of resolve , some sort of que sera sera moment when you let be what will let be , make peace with it and know God is with us in all circumstances , perhaps not changing the circumstances, but walking with us through it .
p.s. Christy if you're reading this Dad has been driving you Land Rover , Stef's wearing your clothes and Britt's sleeping in your bed...Just sayin.
Peace and Joy,
Lori
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Original written date dec 16 2012
Time and Faith and Hope and a Bunch of other Stuff
Time seems to be spinning at a new rate or what they say about getting older and time is really true because i can't seem to keep up , maybe i just don't want to because i don't really like the deception of time lately. Yes , i know that this time of year does a little number on my sanity , perhaps even more this year as we recently reached the 5 year mark of Ashley's diagnosis...5YEARS , what ??? As i sat around on Dec 16 feeling a bit sorry for myself i couldn't help but think of 20 new members inducted into the grieving parents club, allbeit very different circumstances...i watched the President and various clergy address the grief in Newtown and thought about the various ways evil in this world snatch our children away from us , they come in different forms i suppose . gun wielding disturbed individuals , poverty , illness, regardless they all take large numbers of children every year and it is unfortunately something i don't think is necessarily going to go away in our lifetime . I wonder how these families are going to get through this, especially this time of year which kinda brings me to my point about setting Christmas "frivolousness" so far up on a pedestal that its a huge fall down when celebrating seems impossible for whatever reason at some point in your life, just enjoy the closeness of family , the reverence of the simple message and don't get to wrapped up in what doesn't or shouldn't belong.I was actually surprised to see how spiritual / religious North America or maybe just this small town appeared to be, maybe they were in the middle of some bible belt , some unsuspecting sweet little place where evil normally doesn't enter, apparently evil knows no bounds ...but neither does light ...i'm glad were still looking for Good and God amongst the darkness and holding out hope for a time and place that are beyond this earthly realm as we know it now , a place where these children will walk and play and run and giggle without a care , for now their parents are left attempting to convince the siblings left behind that there's no such thing as monsters. There are monsters little ones , we can call them murderers , guns , mental illness, cancer , terrorism , whatever and we can fight against it (and we should ) remembering that it unfortunately in this world just takes on a different form , because it is evil and that's what evil does... it slaps us upside our finite minds and catches us unprepared and leaves us craving for something, we need to be careful because evil wants us to crave more evil , light and goodness wants us to remember we have faith and hope in a something bigger and better... we just can't see his face and can't personally have him answer our questions right this minute , it is a fallen world for now, the result of free will ,but a time will come when we are all reunited , no more tears , no more pain , sorrow or suffering , it is written.
Never really sure whether i'm looking forward to a new year or not , we think "this year's gotta be better than the last" but who know's, it's only a date that changes so i guess it's what you make it and besides a continuing journey in this weird road it was good mixed with bad, guess that's what they call life , who gets to live without bad ??? no one escapes i guess , some people's "bad " just has a different definition sometimes ( can be frustrating ). We lost Darcy's dad a few weeks ago so yeah some bad mixed in with the good of Ashley's book "The Golden Butterfly " reaching special places and people...speaking of which, the book is now available at The House of James in Abbotsford, exciting. When i was in grade 2 we had to write this little book called "Fortunately , Unfortunately " each page would outline a "fortunately "statement negated on the next page by an "unfortunately " statement , it actually got quite annoying and minotinous ...life though, right? So here goes ...Fortunately we have 2 L drivers, so soon i won't be a taxi ..unfortunately new drivers can get the gas mixed up with the brake resulting in an uprooted tree and serious front end damage...fortunately everyone was ok . Unfortunately serious cuts to Social Service programs...Fortunately i still have "at least" a p/t job, able to pay the 2 ICBC deductibles ...yes i said 2 , i had a little incident with the courtesy car , cracked the bumper , forgot i wasn't driving my truck....lol.
Guess this is a version of staying positive, having hope , faith and knowing "this to shall pass" ....a gift of time i guess. May this gift of time be a blessing to you this year.
Lori
Peace ,
Lori
Time and Faith and Hope and a Bunch of other Stuff
Time seems to be spinning at a new rate or what they say about getting older and time is really true because i can't seem to keep up , maybe i just don't want to because i don't really like the deception of time lately. Yes , i know that this time of year does a little number on my sanity , perhaps even more this year as we recently reached the 5 year mark of Ashley's diagnosis...5YEARS , what ??? As i sat around on Dec 16 feeling a bit sorry for myself i couldn't help but think of 20 new members inducted into the grieving parents club, allbeit very different circumstances...i watched the President and various clergy address the grief in Newtown and thought about the various ways evil in this world snatch our children away from us , they come in different forms i suppose . gun wielding disturbed individuals , poverty , illness, regardless they all take large numbers of children every year and it is unfortunately something i don't think is necessarily going to go away in our lifetime . I wonder how these families are going to get through this, especially this time of year which kinda brings me to my point about setting Christmas "frivolousness" so far up on a pedestal that its a huge fall down when celebrating seems impossible for whatever reason at some point in your life, just enjoy the closeness of family , the reverence of the simple message and don't get to wrapped up in what doesn't or shouldn't belong.I was actually surprised to see how spiritual / religious North America or maybe just this small town appeared to be, maybe they were in the middle of some bible belt , some unsuspecting sweet little place where evil normally doesn't enter, apparently evil knows no bounds ...but neither does light ...i'm glad were still looking for Good and God amongst the darkness and holding out hope for a time and place that are beyond this earthly realm as we know it now , a place where these children will walk and play and run and giggle without a care , for now their parents are left attempting to convince the siblings left behind that there's no such thing as monsters. There are monsters little ones , we can call them murderers , guns , mental illness, cancer , terrorism , whatever and we can fight against it (and we should ) remembering that it unfortunately in this world just takes on a different form , because it is evil and that's what evil does... it slaps us upside our finite minds and catches us unprepared and leaves us craving for something, we need to be careful because evil wants us to crave more evil , light and goodness wants us to remember we have faith and hope in a something bigger and better... we just can't see his face and can't personally have him answer our questions right this minute , it is a fallen world for now, the result of free will ,but a time will come when we are all reunited , no more tears , no more pain , sorrow or suffering , it is written.
Never really sure whether i'm looking forward to a new year or not , we think "this year's gotta be better than the last" but who know's, it's only a date that changes so i guess it's what you make it and besides a continuing journey in this weird road it was good mixed with bad, guess that's what they call life , who gets to live without bad ??? no one escapes i guess , some people's "bad " just has a different definition sometimes ( can be frustrating ). We lost Darcy's dad a few weeks ago so yeah some bad mixed in with the good of Ashley's book "The Golden Butterfly " reaching special places and people...speaking of which, the book is now available at The House of James in Abbotsford, exciting. When i was in grade 2 we had to write this little book called "Fortunately , Unfortunately " each page would outline a "fortunately "statement negated on the next page by an "unfortunately " statement , it actually got quite annoying and minotinous ...life though, right? So here goes ...Fortunately we have 2 L drivers, so soon i won't be a taxi ..unfortunately new drivers can get the gas mixed up with the brake resulting in an uprooted tree and serious front end damage...fortunately everyone was ok . Unfortunately serious cuts to Social Service programs...Fortunately i still have "at least" a p/t job, able to pay the 2 ICBC deductibles ...yes i said 2 , i had a little incident with the courtesy car , cracked the bumper , forgot i wasn't driving my truck....lol.
Guess this is a version of staying positive, having hope , faith and knowing "this to shall pass" ....a gift of time i guess. May this gift of time be a blessing to you this year.
Lori
Peace ,
Lori
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