Finally here it is ...waiting to be revealed on Ashley's 20th Birthday

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Okay, i've been holding onto this for just over  3 years and i can't think of a more appropriate time to tell the world, considering the day , Ashley's 20th Birthday and that i now have it in my hot little hands waiting to share it with you.
Anyways as most of you may know that Ashley began her spiritual journey sometime around the age of 11 or 12 , attending Cascade Youth Group , I won't say it was outta my comfort zone, it was just out of my norm , not having grown up with much religion or spirituality, but  i met the Youth Group leader at the time and i realized that Ashley had an instant connection to he , his family (Fransons) and the church , her faith blosssomed almost immediately and while she still remained a spunky stubborn tween she was committed and well on her way to being the leader she was created to be. Soon we all were attending and despite my husband's strict church upbringing we all regarded Cascade as a  place where Ashley grew up.
Most of you know the story to where we find ourselves today, Ashleys's 20th birthday and she not here in a physical sense , however that does not mean she hasn't left a piece of her here.
Shortly after Ashley's passing i was on the computer late one night , i mean really late like 2:00 am and i was opening up documents that needed to cleared of our incredibly slow (at the time ) computer ...i popped open a document and before me lie this gift , i swear it fell from above, it was a computer written document written by Ashley in early September 2008, i will always recall September because it was a  turning point in her illness , we were stoked that she was the second kid in North America to be getting  high tech genius experimental procedure that was going to be our "miracle" she was also very very sick from the treatment , so somewhere between getting the treatment and feeling the effects she wrote this story, she named the story "The Golden Butterfly " how absolutely fitting and when you read it you will know  why. I am not going to reveal the contents of the story on this cold machine because it has to be held , seen , savoured and i suspect it will mean very different things to different people , however, there is no mistaking her journey in this story, her faith , her hope , her message  and journey. I didn't know what to do with this story , hang onto it, treasure it away with her other things , tell everyone ..i waited until it nagged at me almost daily to do "something " i took it to my pastor(Ross) and he (and PR person, Deb) ) thought we should explore our options , we couldn't just leave it , after sending it off to a couple authors , publishers who had great things to say about it we decided (and my sister convinced me )that conventional publishing may adulterate the book and potentially i could lose control over content , i wanted it written true to form , with the changes only being gramatical. Several meetings , discussions with printers and designers as well as artwork compilations and communication between me and  my Bowen Island artist sister it was at last  ready for final print and guess when the pick up day was ...today ..now there's our miracle.
As difficult and as painful as this journey has been,it is nothing compared to what she had to endure and cope with , i am not saying she never asked why  and to this day i still don't really know "why' it is not an answer i will receive here...what i do know and have received from this story is that we are all here for a reason , no matter the length of our life, and once in awhile a Golden Butterfly may come into our life teach us a little something about faith ,prayer, being good  and the blessings in our life. I am so grateful to those that have supported , guided, kept the secret , contributed and been the tangible sources that have helped us believe In God his gifts and for that we have grown , continued healing and are now ready to present our "Golden Butterfly:" We will be having an official book launch at our church in July (TBA) we invite you to come share in our joy and gratitude. ..stay tuned... Much Love, Thanks and Peace.
p.s. a donation from the proceeds of each book will be made to one of Ashley's favourite chairites

There is a season....

Well today feels like the end of an era ...looking back, sorry to sound so cliche , but i can't believe how fast time speeds by, maybe it's the after 40 thing when life spins by so fast, you blink and another year has gone by. I often watch people who move slowly, every morning i see these  2 children( brother and sister) maybe like 7 and 9 years old, who walk by our house to school, by the time i have driven my older 2 to school and back, these kids have probably moved about half a block , i see them bending down  to study some crawling insect on the ground or pointing up to the sky as if seeing an elaborate masterpiece in the clouds , i look , i never see it , i wish i could. The crossing guard at Brittanny's school, he makes me stop and ponder my not really important as i make it "things to do list" as  i attempt to make a left hand turn but sit awaiting him to complete his conversation with a grade 2'er about his frog for "show and tell" in the middle of the intersection, if it weren't so comical it would be hair pulling frustrating , but it reminds me of how stupidly and quickly we run through life, clearly he is from another era, one where stopping and chatting with your neighbour took presidence over texting while driving and those kids probably from a different culture, one's you see in those parent's choice Robert Muncsh kinda books  that teach us to wonder and seek joy in everything , a lesson i thought i learned a few years ago but clearly need a reminder in the form of Nunavit children and 82 year old crossing guards every once in awhile Today marks the end of Britt's last day at elementary school, off to the big leagues of middle school in the fall, the jury's still out on whether i like this whole middle school thing, but like it or not,  off she goes, citizenship award in hand ( ok that was  a brag moment, sorry) Speaking of last days of school . i/we  now officially have a grad in our house , it has been an exciting time, we have now experienced what it feels like to sit in the audience among parents watching their child graduate, we got to sit with regular audience and not a separate, designated donor who only has the the lens of a " i wonder what that feels like " parent. we had the option of special seating this year to give out Ashley's scholarship but although we sat rows and rows away i was glad to be sitting there , watching her receive her diploma and  scholarship as tiny as she seemed and as far away as we were , it was where we needed to be, (well except for Darcy up front and centre snapping pics )
It has been a busy month and  while i'm at it let me just take this opportunity to thank our Ashley's Journey team for once again joining and supporting us on our Childrun earlier this month, have to say that although i don't believe time heals "all" wounds it does put some space between painful events. This is always an emotional month for us , season change , Ashley's birthday , butterflies, school endings and new beginnings often creates moments of flowing unexpected tears and recollection of time gone by. This year seems to be especially poignant or emotional ...Stefanny dealing with the suicide of an old friend has triggered conversations about mortality and youth, two words that should just not go together, meanwhile Christy is learning how teenage boyfriends are rarely an enduring relationship ( darcy was kind enough to spare her the "i told you so" despite his "all-knowingness...ugh"...think he forgot that some relationships do survive teenagehood, case in point. ...amazing what a hug and a "you're too good for him" will do though) needless to say , despite the terribly rainy day and indoor prom pictures , she looked beautiful and my , i mean her prom, was a memorable day , what a hoopla of shopping and prepping (and money ) that was. I would just like to say that once again we ( us , our children ) are blessed to have people that come alongside and lift them up , who take an interest , take them for coffee , advise , counsel and lend an ear , sometimes they just need to hear this from someone other than their parents who apparently "don't know nothing" ( yes i caught the double negative, but it was a direct quote , an indictment  of the Canadian Education system)
Anyways, a definite time of endings and beginnings and as i watched Britt and Lex pour themselves a bowl of cereal this morning before heading off on their last walk to elementary school i am reminded that there is a season for everything ... joy, sorrow, birthdays , angel days,middle school , college, yesterday, today , maybe tomorrow and slowing down  between it all... I and  my "to do " list isn't as important as i think it is. Enjoy the season.

Home

Well, I am happy to report that Christy made it home from Europe safe and sound, not to say that sending her off was an easy task , there were times i wanted to just say "stay home , you have plenty of years to travel , maybe when i'm long gone " but it was an opportunity to venture off and try something new, one of those things you wish you had done when you were young but never did, so you live it vicariously through your children. Darcy required some convincing , he has such a tough time with stuff like that so when Christy texted him at work to tell him she was stuck in some random  elevator in Greece i think it donned on him that he can't do much from here and that he has to let her figure things out on her own, she and the 6 other girls figured it out pretty quickly ...ah cutting of the apron strings....not an easy task. No worn out credit card and a safe trip home despite the Air Canada walk out and she is back to normal. Got me thinking how incredibly technological our world has become, years ago , we may have received a quick phone call to say they arrived safely and maybe a postcard arriving a day or two before their return , but today we have a little thing called facetime , i swear i saw this on a Jetsons episode when i was a kid, a quick click of a button on her ipod and we are communicating with her face to face in real time on Darcy's iphone, we could actually lay eyes on her and be reassured she is doing ok , and hey i actually got to see Turkey and Greece etc with my own eyes , mind you it was from her balcony but whatever it will have to do for now, now if only they could invent this technology to work from Heaven , hhmmm how wonderful that would be ,could you just imagine. i have put this trip of hers into that context several times and it especially hit me at the airport...it felt like we hadn't hugged her or cuddled her in so long so of course we are the first parents at the airport anxcious for her to get home , i imagine the sceanario quite similar to when we see Ashley again , hearing that the time has arrived,she has landed ,waiting amongst others who also wait for the return of their loved ones ,,,swooping in from above ,standing at the gate with so much anticipation, waiting and   watching the streamline of people one by one walking down the long corridor wondering when their turn will be , smiling, rejoicing for those who are before you , i pray its done in alphabetical order , by first name , cause family(last) names finally wont make a lick of difference anymore. At last your turn has arrived , that moment you see their face and can touch them again , the tears are gone , the worries are gone , the baggage doesn't need to be claimed it stays on that revolving belt never to be seen again , it is finished , done, we can go home.
Sometimes our children will beg to go somewhere, some far off land. some new adventure, some time and space were not to sure of , we know it might be best for them but for us were not so sure, but we let them go, trust, and know that they will all be home someday and what a day that was/will be.

3 years

Remembering our beautiful brave girl today, Ashley Ann- Marie Lowey June 29 1992 -Feb 16 2009 Til we meet again.
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” rev 21:4