Posting the lyrics to a song composed (and now played on select radio stations around the country) by Megan Mcneil another brave teen cancer fighter from BCCH..words of inspiration to all brave ones still fighting...
I want to give children fighting cancer "The Will To Survive". Absolutely! Here they are...
The Will To Survive:
What’s it like to have your life change in a moment
What’s it like to have it all taken away and
Put in the hands of doctor’s that you just met
And just rely on hope to keep you holding on
Here’s a story of a journey
One so hard it drains your spirit
So hard to convince yourself that you can make it through
Here’s to the fight
Here’s to the fighters
Here’s to the brave that take this on
Here’s to the lost souls
Here’s to the new hope
We’ll keep on keeping on
In the fight for life
The fight for life
Sitting in the doctor’s chair processing the information
Not understanding how this could happen to me
Going from an average teen age life with normal teen age problems
To blood tests and IV poles and a life I don’t want to lead
Gotta stay strong and stay united
Face our fears and stand our ground
We can convince ourselves that we can make it through
Here’s to the fight
Here’s to the fighters
Here’s to the brave that take this on
Here’s to the lost souls
Here’s to the new hope
We’ll keep on keeping on
In the fight for life
The fight for life
What will make us strong enough so we will tackle this battle
And what will make us strong enough to walk straight through Hell
To get us back to Heaven where we’ll see light again.
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the fight
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the fighters
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the brave
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the lost souls
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the lost locks
We’ve got the will to survive
Here’s to the hard knocks
We’ve got the will to survive
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
The True Colours of Grief
by Lowey Family on Monday, September 20, 2010 at 11:41am
Suffering from writers block lately , that is probably why i never chose this field to get into, couldn't imagine trying to come up with something when the mood does not strike. I suppose i could write of our adventures over the summer, afterall it is why i write these blogs just a reminder to others that one can "do grief" and live alongside it, not always, but sometimes.
Actually had a pretty good summer , i call it summer number 2 or "second summer after the fact"... maybe how life is measured now ...before and after.Spent a beautiful week on the sunshine coast , Lund and savoury Island, mostly prawninig , now that was an experience. Darcy had the whole adventure planned out we each had our own job to do on the boat,rigging and pulling and driving etc it was like one of those projects you have to work together to accomplish a goal, much like grief, and we did , thank goodness the kids don't even like seafood , more prawns for us...highly recommend this destination , Savoury Island is remote, laden with white sand, sea life and crystal waters in a mixture of hues which formed varying degrees of turquoise, a little piece of heaven, scouting it out as my future retirement home which i am forecasting could happen anytime for me , guess i should start saving ..lol
We also spent another week travelling through Jasper to Edmonton and beyond to Athabasca for a beautiful wedding and visiting family (both sides) The colours of the mountains ...breathtakaing This trip a little less "roughing it", real running toilets and waterfall jacuzzis in the Polynesian themed rooms at West Ed hotel , which was a far cry form the trickle our trailer shower affords us, the kids shopped til WE dropped, there is something about places that big , i swear there were duplicate stores that made you feel like you were going out of your mind or travelling in circles.
The kids attended another week at Camp Goodtimes and christy is now a graduate and will move on to a leader...gee if you had asked me a few years ago about Camp Goodtimes ,i wouldn't have known what it was or who it was for and now it is an absolute life line for my kids, hence the fundraising efforts, hard not to support a cause that has given your children so much peace, you can see this written on Brittanny's face in her Cops fpr Cancer commercial, a rainbow after a storm.
Darcy returned to fishing this year which was a stellar year, back in his element, not just for the sport or the hee-man gathering, but for the sense of peace it gives him. He was truly blessed this year a sense of returning to old for him and for the girls , Brittanny and Christy spendng alot of time out on the river camping and fishing (not really mine and stef's thing). Bittersweet , missing Ashley , very reverant , she was missed by all the fishermen/women, kept expecting her to come walking up the beach 2 fish in hand and her dog following not far behind...hard because Brittany really picked it up this year , bringing her own fish in, learning to use a carving knife , a right of passage i suppose,really adapting to the whole fishing lifestyle...caring for all the dogs on the beach ... you can imagine what that does with your mind and heart. Fishing season is over for another year and sad i think for them to leave it behind , it wasn't just fishing they had to walk away from it was their sanctuary , their holy place, a place you have to come to terms with, the past and future coliding, a cosmic crash, for everyone , not just us, it was a coming of peace through pain and i do believe God had a hand in that ...comfort in struggle once again, which brings me to another topic...
Recently i was asked to participate in a bereavement support telephone group with other parents who have lost children to cancer via BCCH social workers and psychologists, it has been an real eye opener to the titled "the hard work of grief' The timing had been perfect because lately i had found that magically around the 18 month mark of Ashleys passing we had been getting some "interesting" advice from people who were a little removed from this whole situation about how they "think' they would be coping through this .I mean no disrespect as i write this but this comes on the heels of listening to other parents discuss their bereavement, that they wish there was a book to give to to others about " grief of losing a child" Now i know there are many well meaning people out there and maybe there does need to be a "how to" book on the subject because this is a different grief,NOT saying less or more painful but different than losing a grandparent to cancer. as i respect anyone who has lost anyone to cancer it is a struggle no matter which way you look at it and i would never pipe in on my Ideas about how someone "should " cope after losing a parent to cancer i would expect the same respect for our grief. I am not trying to be unappreciative and i have thanked the many angles who have "just been" with us through this journey , but i have to say that suggesting that anybody be ready for anything going through this should just stay silent. Suggesting we have a formal family picture done or that we need to be exhibiting any other advances into "a normal life " really isnt getting it ,so here it is . I get that people dont always know what to say , i have come to be "ok" with people avoiding me in the grocery store , or ditching away , or disaapearing completely from my life out of fear(thier loss...true colours) i empathize that the words may not be profound , its ok , even saying something wrong out of stumbling for the right words is ok too. I remember one older person saying to me that " well it s better ( cancer) at her age , she is strong and is more resilant" , now i know they meant that if they had cancer it might be a harder fight at their age, i can look past and see what is meant , but the intentional advice from people who have not been there is not only un- warranted but disrespectful. I have had a few people( and i mean a few ...like 4) within a few short weeks of Ashlyes passing suggest that i "looked " broken and that i shouldn't let this ruin me ,or have even been offended by how my giref , my solemness/silentness has offended them, that i am not the same person. Are they kidding me , are they really that short sighted to be completely concerned about their own interpretation of how or what i may be feeling, or what "they " think i need after really hardly knowing me at all. It astounds me at the lack of wisdom or insight some people have., if there are a few things you really shouldnt comment on is how one copes with grief , clearly if that person is doing harm to themsleves or others then by all means approach or offer support, but ones own intrepretation , c'mon people thats not what this world is about. I m not doing this to vent my own frustrations singularly i am doing this to give a brief look into a subject i can attest to , certainly cannot give advice on losing a parent or sibling so i would never bother, so what would make others think that they could pipe in with advice that really very few have experienced. Most parents i know , no matter how they are coping are doing a pretty damn good job, the fact they get outta bed every morning , dont throw themsleves under a friggin bus and thank the Good Lord above then cudos to them ,the ones that have found God ,Jesus or higher power , then even aweomer( eng?) and the ones that have been able to find some good for others or purpose in life, then hey maybe there is light in all this. My purpose is not to make anyone second guess what they have said( in innocence) it is to raise awareness for one subject i can speak about. One complaint i hear over and over again , that unless you have been through exactly this then please stand by us encourage us , afford us some grief behaviours and dont take them personally ( unless they are damaging) This is not easy work , it tempts you into devestation everytime you turn around, everytime you hear a song on the radio , everytime you smell a scent , everytime the season changes , everytime you hear a christmas bell, or a bird sing everytime you see a frog,,everytime you set the table, everytime you go on a vacation , everytime you snap a picture, everyimte some one asks you how many children you have, everytime you see pity in someones eyes, not to mention going back to work and resuming "normal life" its a struggle just to self talk your way in the door. It is hard on a marriage , no doubt , you struggle against your own personal coping strategies all the time , one is up one is down, one is laughing the other is crying. It is hard work every single day,It tests your faith to the very core of your soul and sometimes you come up empty. it is unnnatural, there is no word for a bereaved parent like orphan or widow, in most cases you are isolated from this process . and in many ways you're damned if you do and damned if yo don't. If you are seen as moody or withdrawn then people think youre not coping well when in fact it is protective from being triggered, if you are out there fundraising and campaigning then you are seen as in denial. If you have found God then you are a loon.Like i mentioned this is not a personal attack it is "venting for the collective" It is giref for all who are grieving, us , my nieces , my sisters,family, my parents , my friends, chuch-goers, Ashleys friends, fellow oncolgy parents and yes the fisherman on the beach,somtimes i forget itisi not just us dealing with the insanity of it all
If you ask us to do something and we say "no" without a reason then there really is something stirring in there, some trigger were not ready to face yet,it doesn't mean were weak , stuck, nasty , it means were hurting, were raw we're rebuilding , the road is long , some pieces won't fit like they did before and we have to find away to accomodate the missing pieces Grief is a place of colour as dim as it may seem , but in the depth of pain is when you see the brightest truest colours, of your marriage , your children,your family, your truest friends , the humanity in strangers and the comfort in God.Thank you for being a light in our storm.
Enjoy the beauty of colours as we say hello to Autumn
Peace,
Lori
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Suffering from writers block lately , that is probably why i never chose this field to get into, couldn't imagine trying to come up with something when the mood does not strike. I suppose i could write of our adventures over the summer, afterall it is why i write these blogs just a reminder to others that one can "do grief" and live alongside it, not always, but sometimes.
Actually had a pretty good summer , i call it summer number 2 or "second summer after the fact"... maybe how life is measured now ...before and after.Spent a beautiful week on the sunshine coast , Lund and savoury Island, mostly prawninig , now that was an experience. Darcy had the whole adventure planned out we each had our own job to do on the boat,rigging and pulling and driving etc it was like one of those projects you have to work together to accomplish a goal, much like grief, and we did , thank goodness the kids don't even like seafood , more prawns for us...highly recommend this destination , Savoury Island is remote, laden with white sand, sea life and crystal waters in a mixture of hues which formed varying degrees of turquoise, a little piece of heaven, scouting it out as my future retirement home which i am forecasting could happen anytime for me , guess i should start saving ..lol
We also spent another week travelling through Jasper to Edmonton and beyond to Athabasca for a beautiful wedding and visiting family (both sides) The colours of the mountains ...breathtakaing This trip a little less "roughing it", real running toilets and waterfall jacuzzis in the Polynesian themed rooms at West Ed hotel , which was a far cry form the trickle our trailer shower affords us, the kids shopped til WE dropped, there is something about places that big , i swear there were duplicate stores that made you feel like you were going out of your mind or travelling in circles.
The kids attended another week at Camp Goodtimes and christy is now a graduate and will move on to a leader...gee if you had asked me a few years ago about Camp Goodtimes ,i wouldn't have known what it was or who it was for and now it is an absolute life line for my kids, hence the fundraising efforts, hard not to support a cause that has given your children so much peace, you can see this written on Brittanny's face in her Cops fpr Cancer commercial, a rainbow after a storm.
Darcy returned to fishing this year which was a stellar year, back in his element, not just for the sport or the hee-man gathering, but for the sense of peace it gives him. He was truly blessed this year a sense of returning to old for him and for the girls , Brittanny and Christy spendng alot of time out on the river camping and fishing (not really mine and stef's thing). Bittersweet , missing Ashley , very reverant , she was missed by all the fishermen/women, kept expecting her to come walking up the beach 2 fish in hand and her dog following not far behind...hard because Brittany really picked it up this year , bringing her own fish in, learning to use a carving knife , a right of passage i suppose,really adapting to the whole fishing lifestyle...caring for all the dogs on the beach ... you can imagine what that does with your mind and heart. Fishing season is over for another year and sad i think for them to leave it behind , it wasn't just fishing they had to walk away from it was their sanctuary , their holy place, a place you have to come to terms with, the past and future coliding, a cosmic crash, for everyone , not just us, it was a coming of peace through pain and i do believe God had a hand in that ...comfort in struggle once again, which brings me to another topic...
Recently i was asked to participate in a bereavement support telephone group with other parents who have lost children to cancer via BCCH social workers and psychologists, it has been an real eye opener to the titled "the hard work of grief' The timing had been perfect because lately i had found that magically around the 18 month mark of Ashleys passing we had been getting some "interesting" advice from people who were a little removed from this whole situation about how they "think' they would be coping through this .I mean no disrespect as i write this but this comes on the heels of listening to other parents discuss their bereavement, that they wish there was a book to give to to others about " grief of losing a child" Now i know there are many well meaning people out there and maybe there does need to be a "how to" book on the subject because this is a different grief,NOT saying less or more painful but different than losing a grandparent to cancer. as i respect anyone who has lost anyone to cancer it is a struggle no matter which way you look at it and i would never pipe in on my Ideas about how someone "should " cope after losing a parent to cancer i would expect the same respect for our grief. I am not trying to be unappreciative and i have thanked the many angles who have "just been" with us through this journey , but i have to say that suggesting that anybody be ready for anything going through this should just stay silent. Suggesting we have a formal family picture done or that we need to be exhibiting any other advances into "a normal life " really isnt getting it ,so here it is . I get that people dont always know what to say , i have come to be "ok" with people avoiding me in the grocery store , or ditching away , or disaapearing completely from my life out of fear(thier loss...true colours) i empathize that the words may not be profound , its ok , even saying something wrong out of stumbling for the right words is ok too. I remember one older person saying to me that " well it s better ( cancer) at her age , she is strong and is more resilant" , now i know they meant that if they had cancer it might be a harder fight at their age, i can look past and see what is meant , but the intentional advice from people who have not been there is not only un- warranted but disrespectful. I have had a few people( and i mean a few ...like 4) within a few short weeks of Ashlyes passing suggest that i "looked " broken and that i shouldn't let this ruin me ,or have even been offended by how my giref , my solemness/silentness has offended them, that i am not the same person. Are they kidding me , are they really that short sighted to be completely concerned about their own interpretation of how or what i may be feeling, or what "they " think i need after really hardly knowing me at all. It astounds me at the lack of wisdom or insight some people have., if there are a few things you really shouldnt comment on is how one copes with grief , clearly if that person is doing harm to themsleves or others then by all means approach or offer support, but ones own intrepretation , c'mon people thats not what this world is about. I m not doing this to vent my own frustrations singularly i am doing this to give a brief look into a subject i can attest to , certainly cannot give advice on losing a parent or sibling so i would never bother, so what would make others think that they could pipe in with advice that really very few have experienced. Most parents i know , no matter how they are coping are doing a pretty damn good job, the fact they get outta bed every morning , dont throw themsleves under a friggin bus and thank the Good Lord above then cudos to them ,the ones that have found God ,Jesus or higher power , then even aweomer( eng?) and the ones that have been able to find some good for others or purpose in life, then hey maybe there is light in all this. My purpose is not to make anyone second guess what they have said( in innocence) it is to raise awareness for one subject i can speak about. One complaint i hear over and over again , that unless you have been through exactly this then please stand by us encourage us , afford us some grief behaviours and dont take them personally ( unless they are damaging) This is not easy work , it tempts you into devestation everytime you turn around, everytime you hear a song on the radio , everytime you smell a scent , everytime the season changes , everytime you hear a christmas bell, or a bird sing everytime you see a frog,,everytime you set the table, everytime you go on a vacation , everytime you snap a picture, everyimte some one asks you how many children you have, everytime you see pity in someones eyes, not to mention going back to work and resuming "normal life" its a struggle just to self talk your way in the door. It is hard on a marriage , no doubt , you struggle against your own personal coping strategies all the time , one is up one is down, one is laughing the other is crying. It is hard work every single day,It tests your faith to the very core of your soul and sometimes you come up empty. it is unnnatural, there is no word for a bereaved parent like orphan or widow, in most cases you are isolated from this process . and in many ways you're damned if you do and damned if yo don't. If you are seen as moody or withdrawn then people think youre not coping well when in fact it is protective from being triggered, if you are out there fundraising and campaigning then you are seen as in denial. If you have found God then you are a loon.Like i mentioned this is not a personal attack it is "venting for the collective" It is giref for all who are grieving, us , my nieces , my sisters,family, my parents , my friends, chuch-goers, Ashleys friends, fellow oncolgy parents and yes the fisherman on the beach,somtimes i forget itisi not just us dealing with the insanity of it all
If you ask us to do something and we say "no" without a reason then there really is something stirring in there, some trigger were not ready to face yet,it doesn't mean were weak , stuck, nasty , it means were hurting, were raw we're rebuilding , the road is long , some pieces won't fit like they did before and we have to find away to accomodate the missing pieces Grief is a place of colour as dim as it may seem , but in the depth of pain is when you see the brightest truest colours, of your marriage , your children,your family, your truest friends , the humanity in strangers and the comfort in God.Thank you for being a light in our storm.
Enjoy the beauty of colours as we say hello to Autumn
Peace,
Lori
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